Warrender
Rising Legend
Currently suffering longterm absence from the site
Posts: 698
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Post by Warrender on Jul 30, 2014 9:33:30 GMT
So wish this is true and can half believe it actually is considering the Bristol Zoo Story I once heard. Anyway....
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Post by Darko on Sept 7, 2014 15:06:59 GMT
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2015 2:01:25 GMT
Think I'll bring this thing back from the dead with some Russian humor.
An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are alone on an uninhabited island. They catch fish for food and suddenly catch a Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each for her own freedom:
The American: "A million dollars and to go back home!"
The Frenchman: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!"
The Russian: "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Three crates of vodka and the two fellas back!"
A drunkard takes a leak by a lamp pole in the street. A policeman tries to reason with him: "Can't you see the latrine is just 25 feet away?" The drunkard replies: "Do you think I got me a damn fire hose in my pants here?"
An old Armenian is on his deathbed: "My children, treasure the Jews." "Why Jews?" "Because once they are dealt with, we will be next."
At −10 degrees Celsius, heating is switched on in British homes, while Finns change into a long-sleeved shirt. At −20, Austrians fly to Málaga, while Finns celebrate midsummer. At −200, hell freezes over and Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest. At −273 absolute zero temperature is reached, all atom movement ceases. The Finns shrug and say: "Perkele, a bit chilly today, isn't it?".
A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian go on a safari and are captured by cannibals. They are brought to the chief, who says, "We are going to eat you right now. But I am a civilized man, I studied human rights at the Patrice Lumumba University in Moscow, so I'll grant each of you a last request." The German asks for a mug of beer and a bratwurst. He gets it and the cannibals eat him. The Frenchman asks for three girls. He has crazy sex with them, and then follows the German. The Russian asks: "Hit me hard, right on my nose." The chief is surprised, but hits him. The Russian pulls out a Kalashnikov and shoots all the cannibals. The mortally wounded chief asks him: "Why didn't you do this before we ate the German?", the Russian proudly replies: "Russians are not aggressors!"
A lass in a miniskirt jumps onto a bus. The bus starts abruptly, and she falls onto the lap of a seated priest. Surprised, she looks down and says, "Wow!" "It's not a 'wow!', my daughter," says the priest, "it is the key to the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour!"
Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, two submarines, Soviet and American, come to the surface. The Soviet one is old and rusty; the American one is new and shiny. On the Soviet one, the crew lounges about without any order, and a drunken captain yells at them: "Who threw a valenok (traditional Russian winter footwear made of felt) on the control board? I'm asking you, who threw a valenok on the control board?!". From the American submarine, a shaved, sober and well-dressed captain, notes sarcastically: "You know, folks, in America...". The Russian captain dismissively brushes him off: "America??! Ain't no fucking America no more!" (Turns back to the crew) "Who threw a valenok on the control board?!"
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