Warrender
Rising Legend
Currently suffering longterm absence from the site
Posts: 698
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Post by Warrender on Dec 8, 2015 10:12:38 GMT
For those of you unlucky enough to either work in Retail or have worked in retail, lets turn this thread into a list of moments of downright stupid idiots that made you laugh. These are all my own accounts and not any taken from an online source. Though some might not be funny I'm sure that all retailers will feel the pain.
Tale 1: Refusing to pronounciate
I once had an American come into our petrol station in the UK and was happily serving them when they ask politely... Her: "Excuse me, can you tell me the way to (Kye-der-minster)?
Me: I smiled and politely replied, "Certainly, (Kid-der-minster) is just a 5 minute drive down that road, can't miss it"
Her: "No, no, we're looking for kyederminster"
Me: "Yes, we pronounce it Kidderminster and it's just..."
Her "No, you're not listening, we're going to Kyederminster"
Me: *Me, no longer interested* "Ok, see that sign for Kidderminster? Follow it and ask someone there for directions to Kyederminster"
Tale 2: We need neons
A woman walks into the shop, past the A4 sized poster saying that the Post Office is closed this Bank Holiday monday, she then walks down the shop past another sign suspended at head height with same message. She then arrives at the Post Office counter where the same sign is hanging in both windows of the Post Office counter. She fails to notice that the lights are off leaving the room in darkness and that no one is in there. And then ... yes you guessed it ... she turns to me and asks "Is the Post Office open?"
Tale 3: Upsetting your customers with honesty
A oldish woman arrives in the shop, does her usual shop and picks up a box of eggs. As she arrives to the shop counter and drops her items she opens the egg box and inspects each egg, proclaiming "uugh, these eggs aren't very clean"
My response? "What do you expect? They've come out of an hens arse"
Her "Well there's no need to be like that!"
I couldn't help but laugh my ass off after she paid and left.
Tale 4: Last man standing
An old boy arrives in my shop and buys his daily bottle of whiskey and leaves. I think no more of it until 2 hours later I see this shape in the door way. It's him again, slowly staggering through the door way, arms moving and legs stepping as though he's doing a lunar landing linkup with the shuttle. Takes him several minutes to stagger over to the counter. Both hands resting on the counter top and his feet over a metre away from the counter and head lowered completely pissed off his tree and I'm amazed his feet aren't slipping from under him from his positioning. Slowly a hand is raised, head still lowered "Bottle of whiskey please"
I then watched said old boy stagger back the way he came. I've no idea if he got home ok and I don't much care. I just pray to a deity that he was not driving as would of called the police on his ass.
Tale 5: You're not even foreign!!
"Excuse me, what do you call these?" I look over to see a fistfull of coins on the counter "Pence .. we call them pence ... it's written on the coin"
Tale 6: We all know this one.
Till scans an item but doesn't recognise it.
Guy: "Oh, hehe, must be freeee!" Me: *Thinking* "I just want to stab you in the face"
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Post by halonachos on Dec 8, 2015 18:10:59 GMT
Tale 1 Me: "Ma'am, would you like to add batteries to your purchase?" Lady: "No, my husband is home. Teeheehee." Me: *I'm 16 and what is this?* "Alright then."
Repeat as necessary for the number of times I've heard that one.
Tale 2 Me: *working in electronics* Oh the phone's ringing, better answer it. Phone: "Hello is this electronics?" Me: "Yes sir, my name is Halo, how can I help you?" Phone: "Yeah, do you have dildos or vibrators?" Me: *trying to register question* "Excuse me?" Phone: "Do you have dildos or vibrators?" Me: "Oh sorry sir, I couldn't hear you the first time. No sir sadly we don't carry those items, however have you tried Dick's Sporting Goods?"(Yes it's a store and it's in the mall 3 minutes away). Phone: *audible pause* "Why would you think they have those there?" Me: "Because sir it's in the name of the store." Phone: "There's a store called dildos?" Me: "No sir, Dick's sporting goods. Founded by Dick Stack(yes that's the guy's real name). Phone:*audible pause*... "I don't get it" Me: "It took you awhile to come up with this joke hasn't it?" *implying he is stupid* *hangs up*
Tale 3: Me: *oh some kid left a snickers bar on the floor, wait that's not a snickers bar*
Tale 4: Me: Hello ma'am how can I assist you? Lady: Yes I'm looking for the game that was on sale 2 days ago. (mind you we were having the "12 days of Christmas sale" which means we had a different sale every day. Me: Well ma'am we've had two different sales since then and I don't know which games were part of that sale. Lady: "Why don't you know anything about your job?" Me: "Well ma'am I would be glad to tell you what we had on sale if you haven't missed it."
Tale 5: Me: *again answering the phone* "Hello my name is Halo, how can I assist you?" Customer: "Do you have any Wiis in stock?" Me: "Yes ma'am, we have one left, I can't hold it for you because of store policy during the holidays." Customer: "I'm in the parking lot, I'll be there soon." Me: "Okay ma'am, I'll be here if you need anything.". *sees a middle aged woman enter the area, another lady hip checks her into an end cap* Customer 2: "I WANT THAT WII!" Me: "Sorry ma'am, we sold out." Customer 2: "Bullshit, I heard you tell her on the phone that you have one." Me: "Yes ma'am, and between then and now I sold it. We're currently sold out." Customer 2: Bullshit, I want to talk to your manager. Me: "Sure thing ma'am, but unfortunately I can't leave this area and the manager is at the front desk." (front desk is behind a wall and not visible from electronics) Customer 2 leaves Me: "Ma'am, are you alright?" Customer 1: "yes, I'm okay." Me: "Well I've still got that Wii, if you still want it I'll ring it up quickly and get you out of here ASAP." Customer 1: *gets shit eating grin* "I get you." *ring up wii, no warranty questions and let her out of the "employee only" gap between electronics and the store*
That one was fun, manager was initially upset but after the explanation he told the woman to leave the store and told me to keep up the good work.
Tale 6: Customer: *approaches my zone* I need some help. Me: "How can I assist you sir? I can't leave this area but I can send someone to help you if you need it." Customer: "Do you have any Leapster 2's?" Me: "I can check our systems for you." *check system, sold out* "Sorry sir it appears we're sold out." Customer: "Well do you have any in the back?" Me: "Sorry sir, the system says we have 0 in the store, including the back room." Customer: *blank stare* "You're fucking worthless" Me: "Have a great day sir."
Tale 7 Customer: "I want this price to be matched." Me: "Ma'am, you can have only one sale, either ours or the ad's, ours is better." (sale was BOGO free and their sale was 50% off each but major difference would be how tax is applied) Customer: "I want their prices." Me: *explaining how the sale would be better, customer still demands the price match so I call the manager to authorize it* Customer seems proud and leaves. Me: She just spent $4 more than she had to. Manger: Don't think too much about it.
Tale 8 Customer checking out and using a credit card. Me: "Ma'am I need to see your card and I.D. please" *customer hands me both, credit card is yellow* Me: "Sorry ma'am, but the name on your ID doesn't match the card at all. I cannot let you use that card." Customer: "It's my mom's card." Me: "Sorry ma'am, you can't use that card if the ID doesn't match." Customer: *Pulls out a debit card and they match. Customer tries to sneakily swipe yellow card* Me: "Ma'am, I told you that you couldn't use that card." Customer: "What are you talking about, I used this card!" *holds up debit card* Me: "Ma'am, I have that same exact card and it's a debit only card. You didn't put in a PIN number and it even says Mastercard on the receipt, that's a Visa card." Customer: "I WANT TO SEE YOUR MANAGER, GIVE ME MY ITEMS!" *Call manager after some talking to the assistant manager, the AM gives in and gives her the items* Me: It's probably a stolen card ya know. AM: "Oh well."
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zman111
Heroic Adventurer
Mad Dok
Possibly (probably) insane
Posts: 22
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Post by zman111 on Dec 8, 2015 20:44:10 GMT
I work in maintenance at Walmart here in the US so I get to clean up all of the wonderful "presents" people leave us. #1- The bathrooms (prankster edition) Teenagers in my city have nothing better to do than TP houses and do unspeakable things to the restrooms at walmart
Such as Shitting on the floors, Throwing USED tampons at the ceiling Smearing soap all over the walls. Zip tying Febreze air freshener bottles open and running off and worst of all
using toilets and then plugging them up with huge corks of toilet paper or false seats
#2- cthulhu lives in the women's restroom I mean seriously anyone who has EVER been in a women's restroom knows this, it's literally 30 times grosser than anything that happens in the men's room. Once Someone emptied all the care bins (those little bins for tampons and pads and stuff) and threw all the tampons at the ceiling (there were like 15 of them stuck in the ceiling and then smeared all the pads on the floor (there was blood EVERYWHERE) we had to close the bathroom for the day while I cleaned that shit up. #3- Who the F*ck shits on the sales floor?!
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Post by halonachos on Dec 9, 2015 0:25:07 GMT
For us it's usually kids who shit on the floors and parents who don't tell us. One time we had shit footprints going from the turd near the Thomas Train section and wandering a good 20 feet to the Lego section where they suddenly stopped. Using my forensic abilities I ascertained that at that moment he or he was picked up and whisked away without telling us.
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Warrender
Rising Legend
Currently suffering longterm absence from the site
Posts: 698
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Post by Warrender on Dec 9, 2015 10:03:01 GMT
I'm grateful I only ever had one occurance of this during my time as a retailer. Picture the scene, two people (me and a friend) working behind the tills at a petrol station. We watch a large fella waddle in at great speed and bolt for the toilet. We think nothing of it. After 20minutes the fella emerges, looking to us and apolgises, saying he didn't quite make it. I waved him on and told him not to worry, preparing to grab my mop and clean up a piss soaked floor. Mop in hand, bucket in the other I open the door to the toilet and BANG! I'm hit with a gut wrenching smell of shit. I look down to see a floor coated in shit that has been smeered all over the entire floor of 3x5meters in an attempt to clean up his accident. Took me a few hours to clean as the smell was so bad I quite literally held my breath, ran in, mopped furiously for a moment and ducked back out to breathe fresh air. Had to change the mop bucket god knows how many times. I actually had asked my friend if he wanted to clean it up, surprising he said no
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Post by halonachos on Dec 9, 2015 13:05:17 GMT
Oh man, we had that with someone puking. Guy came out covered in vomit and was like "I'm so sorry, I am really, really, sorry" the entire time we were trying to find out what happened. I didn't clean that one though, so it's good.
I remember one time the ladies room was smelling pretty awful, so awful the ladies' shanghaied the men's room. It took a manager telling them they couldn't use the men's room to get them out of it. Ladies' rooms are almost always worse than a men's room in terms of sanitary conditions.
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zman111
Heroic Adventurer
Mad Dok
Possibly (probably) insane
Posts: 22
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Post by zman111 on Dec 9, 2015 15:15:41 GMT
In my city its against the law to sell fireworks in a retail establishment (or at all) so near the 4th of july I had someone call corporate and complain because I told her we are not allowed to sell fireworks in *Smalltown USA County*. She called up our corporate complaint hotline and when we get a call involving a specific incident management is required to get involved (corporate policy!). Anywho, this leads to the single weirdest pulls to the main office (we call it the ad-office) where I get this weird blend of pity and scolding (because cameras are fucking everywhere and they will get shit if a customer wrong is not righted.)
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Warrender
Rising Legend
Currently suffering longterm absence from the site
Posts: 698
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Post by Warrender on Dec 9, 2015 15:24:31 GMT
I was once pulled into the office and given a final written warning for gross mis-conduct for stealing money from the till, as did 3 other members of staff.
Basically at that point everyone on shift had access to the till so because the dumb cow didn't know who had their finger in the till she sent the letter to all 4 of us.
If I knew then what I know now I'd have stood my ground and refused to sign the letter and instead inform her I was taking it to a solicitor. But thats the drawback to being young and niave.
As it turned out a specific staff member left and suddenly the pinching stopped. We also found out they had also rung up a £3000 mobile phone bill as they kept ringing home to Hong Kong, coincidence? Nothing came of the letter obviously but I really wish I had made her life a misery over it, especially when she ended up not lasting long as manager and buggered off to another garage.
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Post by halonachos on Dec 10, 2015 20:50:31 GMT
So.
One time my coworker came up to me and said "Hey Halo, have you ever heard of a toy called a Kanigit?". I immediately replied, "Coworker, I don't think we're allowed to say that word. Only black people can say that word.".
He shook his head and said "No, some old white lady is asking for it."
"That doesn't exactly help your case." I replied as we began trying to look up "Kanigit" on the computer. After a few minutes the old lady came back and my coworker asked her what she was exactly looking for and what it might be used for. She simply said "My grandson wrote it down, he's all into those kinds of toys right now." with the most southern belle accent possible. Deep down I knew that she was indeed a member of the KKK and possibly a grand wizard.
"Oh, how do you spell it?" I asked. She pulled a piece of paper from her purse and her aged lips began to spell it, "K-N-I-G-H-T". A few seconds to process it and my coworker goes "OH! A knight, yeah we have those in stock. I'll show you where they are."
When my coworker came back he was like "I can't believe she didn't know it was pronounced knight."
I replied with a witty "I know, she was probably alive when they were around. Then again literacy rates were way low back in those days, people probably had a better chance of catching the plague instead of learning how to read.".
To this day I still use the word Kanigit to talk to some of my friends. One of my black friends played magic with us regularly and she had a knight deck. I also had a knight deck, we became kanigits. Kanigits before wenches and only a true Kanigit will share their greaves with a fellow Kanigit.
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