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Post by Deadshot on Apr 28, 2017 19:41:45 GMT
Good to hear dude, important to have a set of clear priorities. As always, looking forward to the continuation; seven months or seven years, we'll be glad to see what you've cooked up. Glad to hear and thanks for the support mate! And to you as well Darko and to everyone else. The good news is that I am almost done with Chapter 5, I'm about 600 words short of my target and so aim to have it complete by either this sunday (30th April) or the sunday after (7th May). I've tried to take into account some of the feedback given here and integrate it into the chapter so hopefully will be well enjoyed by everyone. Stay tuned!
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Post by Deadshot on Apr 30, 2017 16:06:00 GMT
Good afternoon everybody! I am very pleased to announce chapter 5 has been uploaded and I must say my favourite chapter to date! I had a lot of fun writing it so hope everyone enjoys! Its a bit longer than previous chapters just due to circumstance, hopefully that makes up for the hiatus. As always, feel free to leave any comments or criticism here!
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Post by Darko on May 7, 2017 22:39:19 GMT
Just finished chapter 5. It was enjoyable; the simpler scenes with less characters were more interesting and the slower pacing made for a better read. Starting with the action caught my attention right away, although I was expecting the chapter to come full circle and explain how they reached that point (which I'm sure you will do anyway soon enough) so it was a bit disappointing in regards to that. Nonetheless, what you did give us was excellent, although the combat was a bit blocky - try breaking those paragraphs up a bit more and with the fast-paced fighting, make it read fast-paced. Use less words to paint a picture of swift, brutal fights like the ones in the sparring room. Trust the reader's imagination to do the heavy lifting, and keep it simple. A more eloquent description that is only a single line is more enjoyable than several sentences monotonously explaining every punch.
Another thing I think would have helped is if the characters had talked more while sparring - a good example of this would be any of the lightsaber fights in the original Star Wars trilogy. They are more about the relationship of the characters than the combat themselves, with the fighting being an externalization of their feelings and accentuating what they are saying. Hopefully that comparison helps give some perspective - obviously that's film which is different to writing, but in a sense, that's why it's even more important to keep description in fights clearer.
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Post by Deadshot on Jun 1, 2017 19:18:52 GMT
There will be no new chapters for a while. Sorry guys.
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Post by Darko on Jun 2, 2017 15:46:46 GMT
Don't worry about it mate, take all the time you need.
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